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Managing Awkward Interactions & Learning to Say “No.”

September 22 @ 10:00 am – 12:00 pm CDT

Managing Offensive Interactions / Learning to Say “No.”

September 22 · 10:00 a.m.–12:00 p.m. CDT

Today we will practice responding to uncomfortable comments and saying no clearly, naturally, and appropriately for the person and situation.

Meeting Room #2 Door Codes

9:15 a.m.–10:45 a.m. — 022805

10:45 a.m.–12:45 p.m. — 724942

Session Materials

Use the student handout during today’s lesson and for review afterward.

Student Lesson Handout

Today’s Lesson

Part A · English in the WildWhat Happened When You Tried to Close a Conversation?About 10 minutes

Talk with a partner or small group

  1. If you practiced ending a conversation, tell your group what you tried. What closing signal did you use? How did the other person respond?
  2. If you noticed someone else ending a conversation, what words or signals did you hear?
  3. If you did not have a natural opportunity, choose one situation where the language could be useful and say one closing line you could use.
Useful language from last week
Well, I should probably get going.I’d better get going.I’ll let you get back to it.Of course. I’ll let you go.It was great talking to you.Take care.
Part B · Conversation Support · AnnYIKES! That’s Awkward:
Responding to Uncomfortable CommentsAbout 45 minutes

Four ways to respond

Choose the response that fits you and the situation. Use these phrases during your conversations.

1
Brush it offAcknowledge the awkward comment without making it a big deal.
Language Bank

Try this

  • Oh, I don’t know…
  • That’s a long story.
  • Ha! I’m not answering that!
2
Change the subjectLet them know you don’t want to answer, but keep the conversation friendly.
Language Bank

Try this

  • Anyway, how are you?
  • I’ll keep that one to myself!
  • That’s a long story! So…
3
Put it back on themAsk them to explain what they said or why they asked.
Language Bank

Try this

  • What do you mean?
  • What makes you ask?
  • What makes you say that?
4
Set a boundaryClearly tell them you want the comment or conversation to stop.
Language Bank

Try this

  • I’d rather not get into that.
  • Let’s not talk about that.
  • Okay, that’s enough.

Ann will lead the practice and discussion for this section. The four response cards are designed to be revealed one at a time.

10-minute break
Stand up, stretch, and be ready to restart in 10 minutes.
Part C · Communication Practice · LoriSay No NaturallyAbout 45 minutes
1 · Start with the communication problem · About 5 minutes

Discuss

  1. In the culture or community you know best, what is considered polite when someone wants to refuse a request or invitation—and what might be considered rude?
2 · Recycle: What do you really mean? · About 8 minutes

Listen for the difference

  1. Listen to each response.
  2. Decide: Is the answer definitely no, probably no, or still not decided?
  3. Notice how the grammar changes the meaning.

Recycle language we practiced in Book Club. In a refusal, choose the form that matches what you really mean.

DEFINITE NOI can’t this week.I know the answer is no.
PROBABLY NOI probably can’t this week.No is likely, but not certain.
NOT SURE YETI might not be able to this week.The answer is still unresolved.

Same request. Three different answer states.

Request: “Can you help me on Saturday?”

Definite: “I can’t on Saturday.”
Probably: “I probably can’t on Saturday.”
Not sure yet: “I might not be able to on Saturday.”
Discuss: Which response is final? Which means “probably no”? Which means the speaker does not know yet?

Match the meaning

Choose the response that best matches each situation. Say the response aloud.

1 · You already have plans Saturday.
Reveal best match

I can’t on Saturday.

2 · Your week is filling up and Saturday is likely difficult.
Reveal best match

I probably can’t on Saturday.

3 · You are waiting to find out whether you have to work.
Reveal best match

I might not be able to on Saturday.

Also useful: I don’t think I can… is a very common softened refusal. It does not need its own category here.
Match the grammar to what you really mean: a definite no, a probable no, or an answer that is still unresolved.
3 · Add natural language when it helps · About 7 minutes

Warm beginnings

I’d love to, but…
I’d really like to, but…
I wish I could, but…

Useful reasons

My plate is full.
I’m swamped.
I’m tied up.
My schedule is packed.

More options: I’m slammed. / I’m stretched pretty thin.

When you genuinely want another option

“Could we do it next week instead?”   “Maybe another time.”   “I could help with part of it, if that’s useful.”

An alternative is optional. Offer one only when you really want to.

Which version fits?

Request: “Can you help me move this weekend?”

A. “I can’t this weekend.”

B. “I’d love to, but I’m swamped this weekend.”

C. “I can’t this weekend. Could I help you Friday evening instead?”

Discuss: All three can be natural. What extra information or relationship message does B or C add? When would you keep the answer simple?
4 · Rapid Fire: Say No Naturally · About 20 minutes

How the activity works

Rapid Fire gives you a short scenario. Partner A turns the scenario into a natural request. Partner B responds. Then switch roles and use the same scenario again.

Each new level adds one skill. Open only the level you are working on.

Round 1A · No + Warmth
  1. Look at the scenario.
  2. Partner A: Turn the scenario into a natural request.
  3. Partner B: Say no and add warmth.
  4. Switch roles and repeat the same scenario.

Sample exchange

Scenario: help a friend move this weekend

A: “Could you help me move this weekend?”
B: “I’d love to, but I can’t.”

Switch roles — same scenario:
B: “Would you be able to help me move this weekend?”
A: “I wish I could, but I can’t.”

Round 1B · Match Your Answer
  1. Use the new scenario shown in Rapid Fire.
  2. Partner A: Make a natural request.
  3. Partner B: Respond with warmth and match the answer type shown in Rapid Fire.
  4. Switch roles and repeat the same scenario.

Sample exchange

Scenario: dinner on Saturday

A: “Could you come to dinner Saturday?”
B: “I’d love to, but I probably can’t Saturday.”

Switch roles — same scenario:
B: “Would you like to come to dinner Saturday?”
A: “I’d love to, but I might not be able to.”

Round 2A · Add Your Own Reason
  1. Use the new scenario shown in Rapid Fire.
  2. Partner A: Make a natural request.
  3. Partner B: Say no with warmth and give a specific reason of your own.
  4. Switch roles and repeat the same scenario. Give a different reason.

Sample exchange

Scenario: help at a school event next week

A: “Could you help at the school event next week?”
B: “I’d love to, but I can’t. I already promised to help my daughter that evening.”

Round 2B · Reason + Match Your Answer
  1. Use the new scenario shown in Rapid Fire.
  2. Partner A: Make a natural request.
  3. Partner B: Respond with warmth, match the answer type shown in Rapid Fire, and give a specific reason of your own.
  4. Switch roles and repeat the same scenario.

Sample exchange

Scenario: practice a presentation tomorrow

A: “Could you help me practice my presentation tomorrow?”
B: “I’d love to, but I might not be able to. I’m waiting to find out whether I have to work late.”

Round 3A · Add Your Own Alternative
  1. Use the new scenario shown in Rapid Fire.
  2. Partner A: Make a natural request.
  3. Partner B: Say no with warmth, give a specific reason of your own, and offer a specific alternative of your own.
  4. Switch roles and repeat the same scenario. Give a different reason and alternative.

Sample exchange

Scenario: practice English tonight

A: “Could you help me practice English tonight?”
B: “I’d love to, but I can’t tonight. My sister is coming over for dinner. Could we practice tomorrow afternoon instead?”

Round 3B · Alternative + Match Your Answer
  1. Use the new scenario shown in Rapid Fire.
  2. Partner A: Make a natural request.
  3. Partner B: Respond with warmth, match the answer type shown in Rapid Fire, give a specific reason of your own, and offer a specific alternative of your own.
  4. Switch roles and repeat the same scenario.

Sample exchange

Scenario: come early to help set up Friday

A: “Could you come early to help set up on Friday?”
B: “I’d really like to, but I probably can’t get there early. I have an appointment that afternoon. Could I stay afterward and help clean up instead?”

Teacher backup · Scenario cues if Rapid Fire is unavailable
get coffee this afternoon
help cook for a potluck this weekend
volunteer at a school event next week
help pack for a trip on Sunday
join a new book club
help translate a letter this month
help plan a holiday celebration
drive someone to pick up a car tomorrow
practice English conversation twice a week
bring a dish to a potluck Friday
carpool to the library every week
watch someone’s house or plants while they travel
help practice a presentation
go grocery shopping this week
join a holiday planning committee
help set up for a book club meeting
5 · Quick retrieval · About 5 minutes

Without looking at the language bank, tell a partner:

  1. one way to give a definite no;
  2. one way to show you are not completely sure;
  3. one useful expression for being busy;
  4. one line you can use if the person asks again.
Part D · English in the WildTry It—or Notice It—This WeekFinal 10 minutes

Choose one small mission that fits your real life. If you do not have a natural opportunity to say no, noticing other people’s English counts.

1 · Try a natural noUse one phrase from today when you genuinely need to decline a request or invitation.
2 · Listen for a noNotice how someone declines in a real conversation, TV show, podcast, or video. What words do they use?
3 · Notice the extra moveWhen you hear a refusal, notice whether the speaker gives a reason, adds warmth, or offers an alternative.
4 · Notice what happens nextIf someone says no to you, notice how the conversation continues. What response helps the interaction stay comfortable?

Before you leave

Tell a partner which mission you are choosing and one phrase from today that you want to remember.